1 Corinthians 10:12-13 (NIV)
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
This is a much more personal blog than I usually post. What is posted below is from my prayer journal. I have posted it because I believe that the things that I struggle with are the things many other Christians do as well. This journal entry is my personal debriefing after a fast I did last week. One of the main issues I wanted to pray about during this fast was the fact that I had let personal time I had set aside for the Lord be used for preparing sermons, studies, and prep for work related things. I enjoy doing that stuff. But while I get a lot out of it--and I should--it should not and cannot replace personal study that is done with the goal of filling my cup. This is an easy trap that pastors such as myself need to watch out for.
May 24, 2010
Lord, thank you for being with me in my first fast for You. I want to take the time to think through the lessons that I learned and the insights You gave in it. I fasted for the following reasons:
• To show repentance for being lax about being spiritually disciplined.
• To give up something I freely give myself for comfort—food—in exchange for the desire to have God as my source of comfort.
• To ask God’s blessing on my preaching this summer and to be given God’s wisdom and message for it.
My original intent was to fast for three weeks—the time remaining up to my summer series. One week into the fast I was very short and easily angered. I found that my prayers were short and very pointed---asking for endurance and for God to take my hunger away and exchange it for a hunger for Him. I think one reason it was so difficult was because I am the cook in my family. I still did the shopping, prepared meals, and entertained. Making all that food for family and friends yet not helping myself to it was very hard. It was on the 7th day that I heard God teach me following.
"See how silly it is to work and prepare food for your family and friends and yet not eat yourself? That is what you were doing in preparing sermons, bible studies, and doing care and counseling and mentoring without feeding yourself. Just start feeding yourself."
The clear implication of this word from God seemed to be that God wanted me to stop the fast of food and stop my fast of study and prayer which was sinful and harmful. I shared these thoughts with Mandi who agreed that God was saying one week was good and He had answered me. Beyond that message—which is the central thing I learned I am also coming away with the following:
• I feel that my nature is still very susceptible to anger. My passive nature keeps my feelings of anger under wraps because I do not like confrontation, but when a bit of comfort is taken from me, I am easily angered. This is something I need to work to eradicate in the strength of God’s grace.
• I realized that there is great wisdom in having set times for spiritual discipline. My casualness about it keeps me from falling into legalism but opens me up to neglect them. This is also a thing I need to work on.
• I also realized near the end of the week that I had done precious little to increase my private time with the Lord. Yes I prayed more, but they were more like bullets aimed at relief than a drive to go deeper. This showed me that the fast revealed what I needed to really be doing—getting into the word. One good thing that I did that I aim to continue doing is listening to the Bible in the car. I have the whole Bible on cassette and can listen to it in the car. Better to fast from talk radio in deference to the Word than food which was making me weak and irritable at home and distracting me at work.
• Perhaps most importantly, I had reaffirmed the importance of my Monday afternoon spiritual time for personal prayer, meditation, and edification. It was very wise advice and counsel that lead me to schedule this time in the first place. I need to be more mindful of it. While God may well keep me from it at times, unless He does, I should keep it.
Such is what I am coming away with. I also had a bit of a hard time coming off the fast. While I ate a vast majority of raw fruits and vegetables, my stomach was not ready for it. I had a hard time for about 24 hours. I am still not back to 100%.
Now I need to define this time. I think I should make journaling a regular component. It is a great way to pray and meditate for me. I should look for some books or studies that I would want to do. I think what I will do is talk to Adriane when I see him at the Jonathan Edwards conference at Yale next month. I would like to read in Post Reformation. I ordered a download of Religious Affections. I will listen to it as the other part of my devotional time for now.
I hope that God honors my transparancy in openly sharing these thoughts by impressing the importance of building the spiritual disciplines into your life and in trusting God to graciously guide and direct you when you do seek His counsel.
